I had a very successful surgery, and I knew it would be. Seeing many health care providers since the age of 14, for the first time in my life, I felt trust in my surgeon. It turned out to be a six hour procedure. At first, my December 10th date was postponed because the insurance company had not received the pre-certification from the surgeon. I had gone to my pre-op and was ready. They called me the day before surgery to inform me of this, and all of a sudden all my hope kind of fell apart. I called the nurse on Wednesday, December 12th, asking if the surgery would be performed anytime soon.
Tomorrow. The nurse replied with an email: "You are approved for surgery tomorrow!! Yayayay!"
It was official. I went in the next morning, 6 am, with my sister and two friends. They stayed with me in the holding room, until the time of anesthesia being administered. The surgeon came to see me, and asked if I knew what the surgery would consist of and explained a few things. He left and I continued being distracted by the wonderful people that came with me.
I wake up in the post-op room, not knowing where I was for a few minutes. It wasn't long before I remembered my surgery. How could I forget? Upon my consciousness, a few of my friends and my sister were allowed to see me. We were eventually taken to a room where I would be staying for my initial recovery.
My week in the hospital was much better than I had expected. I was given medication every four hours and as needed in between. I was fed the very next day, solids. It was fast. All of it.
I stayed in for about a week, only because I have lost sensation in my abdomen, flanks, and back and because my blood pressure tends to dip dangerously low.
I was released into the care of my sister, and we were brought to the home of one of my mentors at Duke. Two very important people in my life extended their houses to me for the extent of recovery, and I can't begin to show how thankful I am for their graciousness.
Thank you, everyone, for your best wishes prior to my surgery and those of you who dropped in to visit. It really made my stay a million times better.
My first shower, although seated, was the most amazing feeling. It had been over a week since I felt warm water on my skin, and the smell of freshness in my hair.
Slowly, other than the occasional vasovagal syncope (aka fainting), I am slowly feeling better. I am beginning to walk short distances. I have trouble sitting at times, but just because of the pain.
Obviously, the entire deformity has not been corrected, but the areas that needed to be fused were. Twelve levels were fused, and I have two rods and many screws and other hardware are now implanted. It already feels so much better, and while I have been told that my pain would not necessarily subside and I would be doing PT still for the rest of my life, it was still worth it. I can't begin to describe how appreciative I am to have had this opportunity for such a life-altering surgery.
I've included a picture of the incision for those of you who can handle it. (It's not bloody or anything). The horizontal lines are staples they used to hold the incision together instead of sutures, and I will get those out in another week or so.
As I lie here thinking (I have quite a bit of time on my hands lately...it's times like this, I wish I watched television), I think a lot about how disjointed my life has become since 2006/2007.
During these breaks, I yearn for a home. One that feels like home, with the people that mean most and with the atmosphere that I have known and understood and created. I want a place that just feels like home. I'm always at someone or another's house. These people have so kindly offered a room in their houses to me and have gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable, but I never actually am able. I know home is family, but it's still for some reason I can't pinpoint, I don't feel at home even with my older sister here. I feel lonely and detached. I want that sense of going home to a place of my own since there is not a place of my parents. I guess I don't really know what I'm feeling, since so many things are going on right now. It's one of those things that no one can do anything about, but I appreciate all the efforts.
For the first time in my life, I've had to step back from the holiday season and Christmastime. I just don't want to be a part of it this year.
I do, however, want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas, and I hope the holidays bring lots of joy, love, and peace.
Love Always.
