Strike Three

Last night, my older sister and I had another one of our infamous housing arrangement arguments.  My needing a place to stay and her needing her space often causes the most problems, along with who pays for what and a slew of other issues. 

I have been extremely excited about a new place, Massachusetts.  I started buying her furniture and kitchenware and other odds and ends out of my overwhelming anticipation. 

I thought we'd been bonding pretty well for the past month I've been here.  

She came home from her therapist on Tuesday and told me she and her therapist think it is not a good idea for me to stay with her.  She needs a couple of months by herself to settle in and adjust, which is fine...but at the same time, being with my sisters is the only place I feel "at home" or close enough to it. 

What surprises me is that I am very quiet and keep to myself (which some people hate), yet she feels that I am in her space.  But then again, we have been sharing a car and a room in this small townhouse for a month. 

The first time this occurred, she dropped me off at the train station without notice.
The second time, over Spring Break of 2012, we argued about paying rent and again I was forced to leave.
And this time, I guess I'm a lot calmer since surgery, but of course, my feelings are hurt.  I took a few hours to be angry and sad, but then apologized for getting upset.  I have to say it's the best we've worked through things yet. 

However, I've realized a lot of things about my sister and myself and know why we fail to connect on many levels, but I would really love to stay close to my sisters and never let what happened years ago to happen again.  I don't want to lose the relationships I share with them, and I want them to know how much they mean to me.  They're my complete family, a small one, but still, a family. 

I definitely cannot wait until I one day have a real home, a place that feels like home (like when kids go home to their parents), where I know I can always go no matter what and feel perfectly at ease. 

5 months post-op

This past year (April 2012-April 2013) has really held me back from doing things I love: running, dancing, yoga, working out, etc.  Ever since my ribs cracked and my lung was punctured, my health went all the way downhill....until a month after my surgery.

So today marks five months since my surgery in December.  I have to say, I didn't expect to be recovering so quickly and regaining strength.  I can't say the pain has gone away and know that never will it go; however, my main concern was being able to breathe.  And that has improved 90%.  So for that, I am thankful for the surgery.  The biggest improvement I have made is being able to dance again.  For months, I could do very little but walk around the neighborhood for an hour.  Otherwise, I was in bed all day.  And slowly over the last few weeks, I began easing into dancing.  First, I tried the elliptical and it was very tough on me.  I knew running was out of the question, so I swam a little till I realized that aggravated the pain.  Once my physical therapy began, I was able to bike.  It had been so long since I was able to just sweat and it felt wonderful.  But nothing has brought me more joy in my life than dancing...so my mission for my post surgery self was to once again be able to just dance. 

And it's only been a couple of weeks, but I can say satisfactorily that I am again dancing.  I'm not anywhere close to as flexible or as graceful, but in due time I do think that it is possible for me to do what I love most and be good at it, even with a rod in my back.