Last night, my older sister and I had another one of our infamous housing arrangement arguments. My needing a place to stay and her needing her space often causes the most problems, along with who pays for what and a slew of other issues.
I have been extremely excited about a new place, Massachusetts. I started buying her furniture and kitchenware and other odds and ends out of my overwhelming anticipation.
I thought we'd been bonding pretty well for the past month I've been here.
She came home from her therapist on Tuesday and told me she and her therapist think it is not a good idea for me to stay with her. She needs a couple of months by herself to settle in and adjust, which is fine...but at the same time, being with my sisters is the only place I feel "at home" or close enough to it.
What surprises me is that I am very quiet and keep to myself (which some people hate), yet she feels that I am in her space. But then again, we have been sharing a car and a room in this small townhouse for a month.
The first time this occurred, she dropped me off at the train station without notice.
The second time, over Spring Break of 2012, we argued about paying rent and again I was forced to leave.
And this time, I guess I'm a lot calmer since surgery, but of course, my feelings are hurt. I took a few hours to be angry and sad, but then apologized for getting upset. I have to say it's the best we've worked through things yet.
However, I've realized a lot of things about my sister and myself and know why we fail to connect on many levels, but I would really love to stay close to my sisters and never let what happened years ago to happen again. I don't want to lose the relationships I share with them, and I want them to know how much they mean to me. They're my complete family, a small one, but still, a family.
I definitely cannot wait until I one day have a real home, a place that feels like home (like when kids go home to their parents), where I know I can always go no matter what and feel perfectly at ease.
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