How I plan to approach this.
Treat life as a sequence of negotiations that never stops.
Every step, every decision, every interaction includes some sort of negotiation. Figuring out what you value most can help you in making these negotiations. Yes, negotiating means trying to give the other side as much of what they want as you can, but more importantly, don't lose yourself in pleasing others. Don't self-doubt, underestimate your views. Be firm but collaborative. Challenge the insecurity you may have. Notice I said collaborative, not competitive. Don't compare your ideas or yourself to others. Work with embracing thoughts of others presented to you and learning to use those to your advantage. This is relevant in relationships,
Evolution of relationship, with your children..
Making time for myself.
Why is it that we, especially women, consider making time for ourselves a selfish act? Something I learned during my time at Duke is that you have to take care of yourself in order to help others. Why then, do we feel guilty about it? I've learned that I'm not mentally secure, I haven't given myself the time to recuperate, I haven't taken care of my health issues...I'm just not there. I put myself in a relationship that, unfortunately, had to end and realized that I couldn't help anyone, not even him. I realized I had a far way to go. Many of us women often neglect our needs in order to provide help or time for our friends and family. It goes without saying that this only ends up cheating everyone.
Now is my time to figure out what nourishes me mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually...and I highly suggest those of you reading this blog to do the same. Make a list of your priorities. I find it hard to take out even an hour of my day. But I've learned sometimes it's okay to ask for help or shift priorities--even if it means saying no from time to time. But in the long run, you'll have far more to share with those you love.
Always challenge yourself.
As I get older, I'm beginning to realize that life is a journey. It's not meant to be stagnant. We have to keep moving. I find myself seeking a comfort zone, and I end up staying there. Why?
Afraid of the unknown and terrified of failure and rejection.
Not getting TOO comfortable is very important and one of the first steps to positive change is realizing this.
Self-assesment: Am I happy? Am I continually engaged at school? Am I motivated to go to work every morning? Am I being challenged at school/work? Are my relationships fulfilling? Am I satisfied with what I have right now? Is it enough?
Don't get me wrong, satisfaction is not, per se, a bad thing. However, challenging ourselves is very important in molding our relationship with ourselves. We have to constantly evaluate what we want, deserve, need...If the thought of going to class or work on Monday fills you with dread, it's probably time for a career adjustment. Are you living in an emotionally barren relationship? It's up to you and your significant other to find out what is missing and make those changes. Never ever settle for "okay." We only get one shot at life.
Passion.
I don't wake up every morning smiling and doing some sort of happy dance, but I have a passion for many things that give me that satisfaction in life and confidence in my abilities. Every day. I'm pretty active, I love dancing and singing, I love music, I never want to miss out on a beautiful day outside, I love being an inspiration to those around me. Passionate pursuits are critical.
There should be something in your life that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning and kick butt. Maybe your spiritual life, sports, your family, a class you enjoy, an instrument, your job--anything that invigorates you.
And say you lack this...which I highly doubt...get out there and try something new. It's never too late to actively change the way you view your day. Having trouble?
What helped me the most is thinking about the times in my life when I was the happiest...what was I doing? Easy enough.
I hope your pursuits will not only bring you joy but also allow you to set an example for those you love and how life is meant to be lived. To me, life without passion is no life at all.
Image.
You control the way the world sees you.
My mother always told me the better you look, the better you feel. She didn't mean being attractive or even well-dressed. Is there anything that makes you confident when you go out? For me it's swiping on some lipstick before I go out the door. When you talk to people check your communication style and mannerism--every little thing creates our persona. And this is the beauty you give yourself. Authenticity. It's what makes you...well, you!
Think about it...if you look around a room, some people are hunched over, head down and not very sociable, and others make direct eye contact, commanding respect and attention without even asking for it. People react to us based on how we interact with our surroundings. If you don't like the way people react to you, take a step back and ask yourself what image you project and how to alter it. However, I'm not saying you should obsess over what other people think of you. That's where insecurity ruins you. But make sure you're not completely oblivious to what others experience when they engage in conversation with you. Your goal is to be authentic. So the image you portray for others should reflect who you really are. TODAY is the day to make that change.
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