Dance.
The most meaningful word for me. In my definition, dance can mean so many things. Long ago, I wrote a post called Cabbage Dance babbling on about everything it means to me in a more metaphoric sense of the word and somehow relating it all to cabbage. "The moonlight dances on the water. The leaves dance in the wind."
But in a more literal sense of the word, dance has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I never took ballet or jazz or hip-hop; in fact, I never even managed to take interest in classical Indian dance like bharatanatyam or kathak.
The technicality of all those types of dances never appealed to me. I mean, I'd watch a ballerina and be in awe over his or her skill and grace, but I knew it would never bring me the satisfaction that I get from performing. It definitely hindered me, not knowing those basics, when I wanted to try out for a dance team or something of the sort. Generally the first requirement is ballet.
Yet all I did was dance. My mom choreographed, and then my sister, and then I. We were especially fond of Bollywood songs. I grew up in a house of dance. Around Christmas, my mom would put on the "All I Want for Christmas" song and we'd dance till we couldn't anymore. When we went to Navratri, a nine day Indian dance festival, I'd never want to leave. We danced and danced for hours and hours day after day and came home with blisters on our feet, sore all over, yet completely content. Basically, my idea of "fun."
After my mom died, I no longer performed at festivals or agreed to perform for cultural events. In fact, my last Bollywood dance was at some government convention when they had a Day of Diversity and had asked me to perform. But even though I stopped performing, I never stopped dancing. Every day, I would come home from school by four, and I would squeeze in anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour of dancing. I'd lock myself in my mom's bedroom...well the bathroom since it was big and had mirrors. I'd use YouTube and picked my favorite songs to dance to. When things got a bit busier, I'd find even the slightest bit of time I could squeeze in just to dance. Even if it meant I never broke a sweat...although that's the best part. haha.
I danced to a remix of Akon's "Beautiful" and Danity Kane's "Damaged, Chris Brown's "Forever," Lady Gaga's "Telephone," Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," Kardinal Offishall's "Dangerous," Kanye West's "Stronger," and the list goes on and on.
When I was a rising senior, one of my closest friend's told me to try out for showchoir with him. It was in its second year at my high school so relatively new. I was hesistant, very hesitant. I mean, I always sang and always danced but never the two together. I missed the meetings where a dance was taught for auditions. I was leaving school the day of the tryouts and he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the choir dance. He taught me the dance quickly and told me to think of a song to sing.
And so in the spur of the moment, I auditioned.
The next day I passed the list posted and saw a crowd of people and couldn't see over anyone. But I saw people walking away sad, so I didn't check. I made the assumption that I didn't make it and left.
The following morning, I was asked by two people, "Are you excited about showchoir?" And I replied that I didn't make it. And one exclaimed "Uhhh, yeah you DID!"
I ran to the door and looked and there it was.
To this day I owe the biggest thanks to that friend who is the main reason I ever tried out.
For the first time in years, I got to perform. Yeah, I performed in band and in choir in large groups, but for me performance was just dancing. I'm generally shy and reserved, but for some reason, dancing brings out this whole other side of me that empowers me. Dance is like a landscape, or reflection, of my soul in both space and time and it's almost a feeling, just a pure passion feeling. The first time I got out on that stage, and looked out into the dark audience, I got the chills. Here I was again doing what I once loved more than anything. Nothing else mattered at that time. All I had to do was put on my heels and a smile and I escaped into another world...a world that allowed me to leave all hardships or troubles for that day behind.
The lighting, the music, the singing, the dancing, the power...all of it together, brought me the single best fleeting moment in my life. It was one moment that meant everything. I can remember it picturesquely, every detail and every emotion that ran through my mind. I just felt so alive. In that moment I couldn't have been more happy, and it is definitely a highlight of my life.
Showchoir meant so much to me that year, and coming to Duke I could only hope for something of the sort. It's the one thing I wish I could still be a part of...forever. I mean, if that's all I could do for the rest of my life, I couldn't ask for more. Unfortunately, I have to be practical.
Since surgery, I haven't been able to dance, but I have the highest hopes that I one day will be able to return to the love of my life.
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